Her little life changed my big life forever
(Mother, Wellington, NZ)
The Bereaved Mother...
She has experienced the unimaginable and yet somehow, she is still able to live.
When her child died, life as she knew it came to an end. Her world as fragile as the life of the loved one whom she had lost. Her heart shattered into a million pieces. She is wounded with no idea how to heal.
She will be called strong a thousand times over, but in reality, she feels anything but that. The hurt is so deep that often it becomes unspeakable. At times, she feels almost desperate to find just one part of her life that was not affected by her childs’ presence and does not therefore suffer from her childs’ absence
So, how does she keep on going?
Franchesca Cox says ‘A mother is not defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love she holds in her heart”.
This is where she finds her courage. This profound love is like no other. With that love, she puts one foot in front of the other. She learns to carry her hurt and her healing together as one and that is why she will arise.
When you see her, reach out and speak her childs’ name. Give her the grace to fall apart, to be upset, hurt, angry for she is learning to live without a piece of her heart and that takes an infinite amount of courage.
In 2008 after the loss of my 2 year old daughter Lucy, I was that bereaved mother. 10 years on and my journey has lead me to work in the community, facilitating support meetings for bereaved families.
In 2015 I was invited to share my story and grief experience to an auditorium filled with bereaved families and medical professionals at the sands NZ National conference. I have spent countless hours in hospitals, private homes and on the phone listening and offering support to couples whose children have died. I get to meet people at their point of need, create a safe space for them to enter with their brokenness and offer a message of hope.
I will always want Lucy back. I long for her with all my soul. But I still celebrate the new life I have found. Her little life changed my big life forever! I have lost, but I have also gained. I lost the world I loved, but I gained a deeper awareness of grace. That grace has enabled me to clarify my purpose in life and rediscover the wonder of the present moment.
*Reference: Carly Marie, Vicki Culling-Brown, Jerry Sittser